I glanced to my left to where he was sitting on Aideen’s sofa. It broke my heart because I had no idea how we had gotten to the point we were at. I was deeply in love with the man he used to be, the man who would give me the world if I asked. Not with the version of Ryder I was living with. I loved him dearly, but I wasn’t in love with him anymore. It pained me to admit that, but it was the truth. I didn’t know where we went wrong, but Ryder and I, we fell out of love. We ignored one another, and when we did interact, it wasn’t pleasant. We weren’t even at that angry stage anymore we were at the silent one. It started out as normal bickering that grew into full blown screaming contests. To a point, we stopped being loving towards one another. Somewhere along the line, we stopped being nice to one another.

I didn’t think it could even be classed as a relationship anymore. The more I let myself think about them, the more depressed I felt when I looked at my own relationship. They suited each other so well, and their love, though sometimes extremely intense, was true and forever binding. I was beyond happy for them, but I hated them a little at the same time. I hated that I felt so bitter towards my own blood.

I had no doubt she would marry before me, too. I was a whole decade older than her and she had surpassed me on the journey to motherhood. I was green with envy every time I looked at Kane and Aideen with their sweet Jax, but my heart broke when I watched how Dominic interacted with Bronagh. I straightened up and hoped I didn’t appear to be so out of sorts, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if I did, because I felt dreadful. My eyes watched the programme that was showing, but my brain had no clue what was happening because it was elsewhere. I gnawed on my inner cheek as I looked away from the happy couple and focused on the plasma screen TV on the wall facing me. I watched my little sister, Bronagh, interact with her fiancé, Dominic Slater, who, like Kane, was my fiancé’s brother, and I fought back tears as his hand absentmindedly stroked her abdomen where their baby girl was growing. Those I loved surrounded me, and what should have been a happy time, wasn’t. Aideen Collins was wrapped up in the arms of her fiancé-Kane Slater-and they both focused their attention on their beautiful baby boy, Jax. I repeated the thought over and over as I sat in my best friend’s apartment.

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